True internet dating stories
For dinner, we went to Ikea for a platter of Swedish meatballs. ).• A guy said how great it was that I was a “mommy,” and when I explained that I was more a mom than a mommy, and a bit about my parenting philosophy about trying to make my then-young son more independent, he corrected me. “That’s the gift you got when you had your son.” Not only was he totally infantilizing me with his gross Ronny Reagan virgin-mother bullshit, and presuming to explain for me my place in the world (without having met me) but he wasn’t fucking listening.
I explained, nicely, why it bugged me, and he said he was glad he found out early how ugly I was on the inside.• I met a guy for coffee.
We walked the length of the farmer’s market, and when we reached the end, he asked if I wanted to talk more. After an absolutely miserable conversation where he humblebragged about his university (he mocked shame when he told me he’d gone to Harvard), he then started to tell me about volunteering for Arthur Ashe and how inspiring that was.
When I said that the undergrads he’d be dealing with at Penn would be horrible — I’m friends with plenty of grad students with horror stories about the privilege and entitlement of the students there — he looked at me, disgusted, and said “I used to teach in the ghetto.
By the end of dinner it looked like he’d spit out more than he’d ate.• I went back to the person’s place after a concert and unwittingly served as passive-aggressive muscle for a drug deal. At the time he owned no dogs at all.• I went out with a guy in his 30s who told me within the first hour of the date that: he didn’t have a bank account, had never filed taxes, worked on a drug farm, and paid with his “green card” aka pot for goods and services in the neighborhood.• Nowhere on her profile did it say anything about her being an acid casualty and ketamine dealer.• It’s a tie.
He then proceeded to sing, very loudly, his current endeavor in song writing.
It was about killing unicorns (and no he was not being ironic). Captain Pretentious• Dude talked for several hours nonstop about his multi-discipline art project, which was based solely on an experience his father had 40 years ago.
I kept making, “oh that’s nice,” “okay,” sort of comments and he just kept singing louder and louder. When I got home, I had an e-mail from him saying that we didn’t have any “chemistry.” Chemistry, really? It was the only thing he talked about, no exaggeration, for 70% of the date.
It was an amazing WTF moment and I never talked to her again.• I got walked out on on a date that seemed like it was going fairly well because I said I didn’t like french fries.
I am still baffled by it.• The date where the self-identified “artist” revealed her day job was working as a prison guard, and she spent much of our afternoon on a mumbled, paranoid rant about an anonymous “them” who were on the verge of their incipient take over of everything we hold dear. She ordered worth of lunch, which she wouldn’t touch because she was sure it was contaminated.• My date ‘encouraged’ me to share the 0 steak for two.
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When I asked what she was doing on a blind date when she was going to give birth in two weeks she said: ‘The baby has me; I want someone.’• A poet offered to pick me up for dinner and a movie.